I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
