we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
