Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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