Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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