I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
