I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
