Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just pee around me
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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