He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
