I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
