Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
