At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
