when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
