im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
