Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
