I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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