At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
