I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
