Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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