New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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