And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We left the knife in your bed.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
as a side note pls kill me
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
