and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
