for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
