why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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