I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
