sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
