Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
