Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
