you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
