Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
ttyl tear gas
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
