Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
