Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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