My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
