but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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