My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
