At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
