I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
