Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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