You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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