Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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