Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
