at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
