What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
