I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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