you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
