Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
