Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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