3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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