yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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