I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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