i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
