Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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