Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
