all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
