ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
