is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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