probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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