we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
