You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
