home. puking in laundry basket.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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