My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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