I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
