NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
