i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
be right there i have to get my cape
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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