Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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