all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
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I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
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How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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