I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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