not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
