I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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