Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
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One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
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She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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