if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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