He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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