grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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