Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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