Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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