She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
