he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
