The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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